


My Teacher Cannot Drive

by Wylrin



Category: My Teacher Is an Alien - Bruce Coville
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 05:57:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15357756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wylrin/pseuds/Wylrin
Summary: Upon learning that Broxholm doesn't know how to drive, Kreeblim intends to teach him, with disastrous results. Rated for Kreeblim's usage of explicit alien language.





	My Teacher Cannot Drive

She should have seen it coming.    
  
Of course there would be _something_ off about him, despite his best attempts at blending into human society. She hadn't thought anything of it when he'd walked from his house to hers to their weekly breakfast together, which they held mostly for the sake of staying in contact with one another. What she _did_ think something of was when he'd walked all the way to school and back everyday. It was over a half an hour walk.    
  
They needed to talk.    
  
\- - -    
  
It wasn't that he didn't know _how_ to drive, per se. It was more so he didn't _like_ driving. The fumes the car gave off were slowly killing the planet for one thing. And for another... cars crashed! He didn't want any part of driving a car to and from school every day. He could walk just fine. There wasn't anything suspicious about walking, was there?   
  
Kreeblim seemed to think otherwise.   
  
"It's one thing to go for an afternoon jog in the park," she said, taking a bit out of her biscuit. If there was one thing that was good about coming to Earth, it was tasting all the different types of food. It was a bit disturbing how much humans liked putting so much sodium chloride and sugar in their food, but it was still nice to experiment with different foods. Though as much as it would have helped him fit in as a teacher, he couldn't stand the taste of coffee. It was like earwax mixed with tartar sauce, and tartar sauce was like vinegar mixed with peanut butter. He didn't like it.    
  
"It's another," Kreeblim continued. "To constantly go back and forth from home to your job by walking there."   
  
"It's not that far," Broxholm insisted.   
  
"It's nearly an hour there and back," she told him. "If it were five minutes, I could understand, but thirty? And you're supposed to be tired after a long day's work, you know."   
  
"Are you saying that my habit of walking to school is wrong?"   
  
"I'm saying it's _suspicious_ ," which might as well have been worse.    
  
He made a sound akin to a snort. Normally he wouldn't have, but the human translator that was forcing him to speak and act like a human was getting in the way again. Crossing his arms, he said, "There's nothing suspicious about walking somewhere."   
  
"There's nothing suspicious about walking somewhere _close,_ " Kreeblim corrected.   
  
"It's only a few miles-"   
  
"To humans, that's a long walk."   
  
"They could do well with the exercise."   
  
"I don't disagree," she said placatingly. "But for the sake of blending in with the humans, you're going to have to learn to drive a car."    
  
He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "The effect that has on the planet-"   
  
"Broxholm, there are countless cars on the face of this planet. One more isn't going to do any more harm. Besides, depending on how our mission goes, there may not _be_ a planet to worry about."   
  
That was not a nice thought. Even if they had to eradicate the human species, they should at least spare the poor planet and its other countless species. It could be a beautiful planet again one day without the humans' involvement. A shame that it had to be potentially blown into stardust along with its dominant species.   
  
It must have shown on his face, for she sighed sympathetically. "Hopefully it won't have to come to that. Now, regardless of the effects it has on the planet, it's the way you're expected to travel on Earth. You're going to have to learn to integrate it into your behavior," she said. He must have made a face, for a stern expression overcame her features and she said, "And that's an order."   
  
Oh great, now she was pulling rank. Well, she _was_ his boss, so it was well within her right. That didn't necessarily mean he had to like it, though.    
  
"I can teach you how to drive," she went on. "It will be simple enough."   
  
\- - -    
  
" _Plevvit_ !" Kreeblim cried, which was basically her equivalent of the human's F bomb. "Stop the car _right now!_ "   
  
So Broxholm had been forced to take Kreeblim up on her offer to teach him how to drive. They were in different disguises now, Kreeblim as a middle aged woman and Broxholm as a very tall eighteen year-old who was just learning how to drive. Should anyone have seen them, they would have thought they were mother and son, which was the whole point.    
  
Of course, had anyone seen them, they'd be more focused on the car they were driving, which was curving up and down the perfectly straight road, sometimes encroaching on the other lane before snapping back to where it should have been.    
  
At her command to stop, Broxholm did so, perhaps far too abruptly as they both suffered a moment of whiplash as the car suddenly came to a stop. Once they were securely stopped at a stop sign, Kreeblim batted him on the arm, saying, "Get out of the car."   
  
"What?"    
  
"I'm driving us home. I don't trust you to do so."   
  
\- - -    
  
It was eventually decided that Broxholm should walk to school from now on, as no adult human could possibly be so bad at driving.  


End file.
